I think he thought, and we thought, that he had beaten the addiction, but he hadn’t, and I think that’s the nature of the addiction. It came back, and it wasn’t about losing large amounts of money. It was him thinking that he could never be free from this. Here he was, he had traveled continents away from where he’d been gambling, thought he’d escaped it, but he was dragged back in. He hadn’t lost much money, that’s the point really. He was the definition of what the industry call a responsible gambler. He was free for months and months and months, and for a year at a time, but he was dragged back in. Everybody thinks that the deaths and suicides are caused by debt. They’re not. They’re caused by mental health problems that gambling causes, these very, very addictive forms of gambling. They actually affect the brain and they harm your cognitive capacity. It was very clear from his suicide note that he felt he would never be free, and he felt that he needed peace.

And said Ouch-it-hurts: “No problem!

Give it here!

I will sew him new legs,

He will run on the track again”.

(…)

“(…) if i drown,

If I go to the bottom,

What will become of them, with the sick,

With my beasts of the forest?»

(…)

And the mountains stand in front of him on the way,

And he begins to crawl over the mountains,

And the mountains are getting higher, and the mountains are steeper,

And the mountains go under the very clouds!

(…)

“(…) if i don’t get there,

If I get lost on the way,

What will become of them, with the sick,

With my beasts of the forest?»

Artist

Dan Beudean (b. 1980) lives and works in Cluj-Napoca and is considered one of the best artists dedicated to drawing of his generation. With subjects ranging between the natural, the mystical, the everyday, and the fictional, his interest draws towards the historical dimension of the 21st century and its socio-political issues. Previous exhibitions include: God Luck and Good Speed, Cluj-Napoca Art Museum; Magellan’s Cabin, Lateral Art Space, What We Do Is Secret, Zorzini Gallery. Beudean has been awarded the 2013 Strabag International Art Award, and his works have been featured in Vitamin D2 – New Perspectives in Drawing, book published by Phaidon.